Spongebob Squarepants Madness
by KirbyMario
Summary: None really...
1. Spongebob gets a new job

Disclaimer : Yeah, I know what my Pen Name is, but I like Spongebob too...so bare with me...let's start dis crap!  
  
Disclaimer #2 : This is rated PG for Mild language and PG-13 because someone ends up dead at the end of nearly every episode!  
  
Oh and from time to time in the fics, Kirby, Mario, Sonia and Manic (both from Sonic Underground might show up)  
  
Spongebob Madness Episode 1 : Spongebob gets a new job!  
  
Squidward : Spongebob, have you finished yet?  
  
Spongebob : No way, Squidward! Patty Appreciation Day lasts exactly 1 more hour!  
  
Squidward : But why does the process need to take pkace in the damn bathroom!   
  
Spongebob : It must be done alone!  
  
Squidward : But I really have to go! I can't hold it in much longer! Hurry up before it's too (Squidward accidentially soils himself)-late...  
  
Spongebob : oops, silly me, I meant 1 more minute! (opens the door) Enjoy Squidward! (goes into Mr.Krabs's office to get his paycheck)  
  
Squidward : ...Why me...WOAH! (slips on his own piss (yes, he had to get the stuff out of both ends) and hits the ground)...ow...  
  
(in Mr.Krabs's office)  
  
Mr.Krabs : You've put in a hard week's work boy, here you go! (hands Spongebob his paycheck which is for $1 Dollar)  
  
Spongebob : ...........YES! I did it!  
  
Mr.Krabs : What is it, boy?  
  
Spongebob : This is my 1 millionth dollar earned working here!  
  
Mr.Krabs : ..umm...why do you care?  
  
Spongebob : Since I've earned $1 Dollar a week, this means this is my 1 millionth week working here!...YESSSSS!!!! I'm gonna stick this dollar on my @$$ coverer (or in other words, on the seat of his pants) to remind me?..Oh and I have another surprise, I told myself the day I was accepted that when I accomplished this, I'd go find another job!  
  
Mr.Krabs : WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?! Absolutely Not! I don't allow a fry cook as good as you to quit!  
  
Spongebob : (throws his hat to Mr.Krabs) I knew you'd understand! (walks out the door and on that very second he's out of earshot)  
  
Squidward : HOORAY! I'll never see him again on working days!  
  
Mr.Krabs : Shut up Squidward! This is totally bad!  
  
Squidward : Oh puleeze, what could happen just because Spongebob's gone?  
  
Plankton : (tiptoes out of the back room holding a Krabby Patty and a few hours later)  
  
Health Inspector : I'm afraid I'm gonna have to shut you down because the restaurant down the road sells the same stuff at a cheaper price and sells more.  
  
Mr.Krabs : What does that have to do with being a health inspector?  
  
HI : Shut up, or I'll stab you with this knife!  
  
Mr.Krabs : I'm leaving now!  
  
Squidward : YAY! Now I don't have to work anymore!  
  
(OK, let's get to the main subject of the episode and see wat Spongebob's up too)  
  
Spongebob : So, you got any ideas what job I should have?  
  
Patrick : hmm...I know (one hour later, he hands a list of 1 million suggestions and 999998 of them all have Krusty Krab written on them  
  
Spongebob : I told you that I quit that place...hmmm...Conqueror of the World...nah, too difficult to plan stuff... Donut Salesman...I like it!  
  
Patrick : Knowledge is Power!  
  
(let's skip to the day later after Spongebob has the job)  
  
Spongebob : I've been here for an hour and not one customer  
  
Customer #1 : Hello, I'd like one glazed chocolate donut!  
  
Spongebob : Coming Up! (He hands him a Krabby Patty)  
  
C#1 : umm...this is a hamburger, I asked for a donut!  
  
Spongebob : oops, sorry (hands him a donut) That'll be one dollar!  
  
C#1 : Here  
  
Spongebob : Thank you for visiting the Krust-I mean Donut World!   
  
C#2 : Excuse me, I have a ticket for a 12 pack of donuts free, which is what I want!  
  
Spongebob : One free pack of 12 donuts, that'll be 12 bucks!  
  
C#2 : But it says here that they're free  
  
Spongebob : One free 12 pack is 12 dollars!  
  
C#2 : Do you know what free means?  
  
Spongebob : Yes, it means..well...umm...  
  
C#2 : I'm never coming to this god damn place again! (grabs the 12 pack and slams the door)  
  
Spongebob : Wait! You have to pay for that?  
  
C#3 : Excuse me, me and my family would like 100 Dynamite Donuts! (in this store, the Dynamite Donuts are the biggest ones, and although Spongebob was told that, he of course wasn't listening at the time, so he fills 100 donuts with dynamite)  
  
Spongebob : Thank you and enjoy!  
  
C#3 : (takes bite) This is deli-(all the dynamite explodes and the show is blown up and, ironically enough, Spongebob ends up falling right on top of Mr.Krabs)  
  
Spongebob : ...I think I'd like too come back to work Mr.Krabs  
  
Mr.Krabs : Fianlly, I knew you'd come back!...now to convince the Health Inspector to let us get back in business)  
  
  
  
(Chum Bucket)  
  
HI : Since you stole that secret formula, we're shutting you down and taking you downtown, and you'd better cooperate or else!  
  
Plankton : Or else what, you idiot?  
  
HI : Oh, you're in trouble now...(presses button on belt which causes an alarm and immediatly the doors of the Chum Bucket slam open and in walks ...Sonia with a knife and a crazy look on her face  
  
Plankton : AAHHH!!!  
  
Sonia : COME HERE YOU GOD DAMN GUY WHO'S GOING TO BE ROADKILL IN 10 SECONDS *CENSORED* (We can't let you see this, but at the end, Plankton is a bloody carcass and as soon as he's dead, the insane look on Sonia's face dissapeares)  
  
Sonia : That was satisfingly pleasing...(goes back to her car with Manic at the wheel)  
  
Manic : So how did it go?  
  
Sonia : I was in one of my better moods (they drive off)  
  
HI : Well, I guess I'd better put the KK back up since there's no competing restaurant!  
  
Mr.Krabs + Spongebob : (who just happen to be nearby) YAAAYY!!  
  
Squidward : (who just happens to be nearby) NOOO-(Sonia's car drives back up to him)  
  
Sonia : Shut up or I'll kill you too (car leaves)  
  
  
  
Well, that's pretty much it. Except I have 1 question to answer  
  
1.This chapter has almost nothing to do with the title because..well...I actually have no reason...BYE! 


	2. Squidward and Suicide Attempts

Disclaimer : ...I got nothin'...except that I officially declare that Kirby could whoop Mario's Ass anyday of the week...ok, let's start this now  
  
Spongebob Squarepants Madness Episode 2 : Squidward and Suicide Attempts  
  
(at Squidward's tiki home)  
  
Squidward : Damnit, my life sucks, maybe I should've had Sonia kill me last episode...I know! I'll commit suicide so I'll never have to see Spongebob, Patrick, or that money-holic Krabs again!...But how to do it...I know! I'll just jump out my top floor window head first (runs upstairs and jumps out headfirst, but doesn't die, just gets really badly hurt)...oww...  
  
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!  
  
(later that week after squidward's injury is healed, much to his dismay)  
  
Squidward : I know! I'll flush my head down the toilet (tries to do it, but only gets his head stuck) ...Oh well, I'll enventually die from not eating from a week due to being stuck in here...(Spongebob once again appears out of nowhere)  
  
Spongebob : Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!  
  
(next week, when his head has become unstuck)  
  
Squidward : Damn! I have to find a way to commit suicide that works!...Oh I know! (runs outside in the open) Oh Flying Dutchman! I want you to come down here and take my soul so I can get the hell away from Spongebob!  
  
Flying Dutchman : (appears in that little spooky manner) HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...You seem to have a very sucky life! I really don't like doing this type of thing, but since I know about Spongebob, I will be merciful and get you out of he-(Spongebob appears out of nowhere, AGAIN) Oh hell no...  
  
Spongebob : Heydutchman, why haven'tyoucalledImeanit'sbeen3daysandweweresupposedtogojellyfishingtodayand-  
  
Flying Dutchman : AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (leaves in fright, but forgot Squidward)  
  
Squidward : .......god damnit...(goes in house) DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN! That's the 3rd attempt that Spongebob messed up for me!...I'll try two more times and if they don't work, well, I'm screwed...  
  
(later that week)  
  
Squidward : This one should work...first I'll walk in the house and then trip on the string in the doorway causing a catapult to launch me in the air, right into the wall...then when I fall I'll land on another string causing a ton of rocks to fall on me, then after I emerge, I'll stagger up the stairs only to trip over another string causing me to be grabbed by a rope and yanked right into the open furnace which will burn me alive, finally, just in case that doesn't kill me, right after I walk out of the furnace, I'll yank the rope next to the furnace causing a ton of snow to fall on me and I'll freeze to death!...Let the torturing begin! (he walks into his house, gets catapulted into the wall, lands on the string, a ton of rocks fell on him, he staggered up the stairs, tripped over another string, was grabbed by the rope, launched into the open furnace causing him to be burning alive, but he still wasn't dead...so then he staggered out of the furnace and pulled the rope and a ton of snow fell from the ceiling, but before it hit him..)  
  
Spongebob : SQUIDWARD! Look out! *slow motion* NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (pushed Squidward out of the way and the snow fell on him, but since it was kind of hot and the snow had been starting to melt, Spongebob just sucked it all up...and then spit it back up) Whew!...that was close...(realizes the condition Squidward's in) Oh no! Squidward! Don't move! I'll call the hospital!  
  
(next week, when Squidward's fully healed)  
  
Squidward : GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! That one was one of the most brilliant plans yet!...Well, if the next one doesn't work, I'm screwed...I know!...I'll find something on Amazon.com (goes and finds something good)...Why didn't I think of this first (orders it and 5 days later) Oh goody, it's here! This one is guarenteed to work...ok, I'll just load it and...(by the way, it's a gun) *MULTIPLE SHOOTS* (Squidward finally did it, he just shot himself...oh and outside his house, someone's car drives up)  
  
Sonia : I think I actually will kill hi-(opens the door)-woah, it seems he got ahead of me...damn, I need to kill someone...oh well...I'll wait till next episode (gets back in her car and drives off)(aah randomness)  
  
Spongebob : (appears out of nowhere AGAIN in Squidward's House) Oh no! Squidward! I'll get the mourners! (the mourners are all fish except Kirby who snuck there)  
  
(later that day)  
  
Spongebob : ....there's not much more we can say really, even though Squidward is gone, he will live on in our hearts forever...  
  
Kirby : Right up until you all die which is in a few seconds! (jumps out of the way) Now Sonia!  
  
Sonia : YAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Sonia and Manic then drive up in their car and Sonia starts shooting everywhere with her rapid fire gun) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (everyone gets shot and dies except Spongebob who runs into the pineapple screaming like a little girl)...ahhh, glad I got that out of my system! Hop in Kirby!  
  
Kirby : So what are the 3 of us doing tonight? Beer til we're knocked out until noon the next day, or you and me having sex while Manic beats up on the stress reliever (the stress relivier is actually Mario)  
  
Sonia : ....Sex  
  
Kirby : sweeeeeeeeeeeetttttttt....(they drive off)  
  
Spongebob : Phew...huh? (sees about 1000 dead bodies)....now I'm gonna need a helluva lot of coffins...  
  
End of Episode 2  
  
I have some questions to clear up  
  
1. Sonia, Manic, and Kirby can breathe because the rules of physics sometimes don't apply to this fic.  
  
2. Sonia is a mad killer because she's had too much beers.  
  
3. Manic only drives her wherever she wants because he's also drinking too much, she's slightly older than him, she'd kill him to if he didn't, oh and he's payed well for it, since he gets to beat up Mario.  
  
4. Kirby is Sonia's main partner because he has also drunk way too much, plus he's promised by Sonia to have sex twice a week if he does it.  
  
5. Mario is the stress relivier because...*sniff* I hate him!...Ok, I basically like the games, but I....HATE....HIM!!!!...ok I'm done ranting now...  
  
6. Someone gets killed nearly every episode because I wanted this to be PG-13 and I couldn't picture the Spongebob crew saying stuff like D***, S***, and F***...actually, in their state, I could picture Sonia, Manic, and Kirby saying stuff like that...hmm...I'm onto something...  
  
Well, anyway, Look out for Episode 3 soon! Bye for now! 


End file.
